assholedisney:

I strongly identify with wood elves because I too like to drink wine and talk about how men are failing

  • me: [gently touches the sleeping cat]
  • cat: [makes a tiny cat noise]
  • me: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooo ohh noo ohhhhh nooooooo oh no oh nooooo oh my god oh noooo

i can’t find a link for new girl… my googling skills have failed me… take back my millennial status i don’t deserve it anymore

shinjiikari:

im so glad “stay hydrated” is a thing because on one hand its trendy + cool but also its very useful to remind people to drink their water. This is a practical meme

Sure Ellen Page came out of the closet but could she draw in the third grade? Macklemore investigates

danpintilini:

HOW DID SNOOP DOGG ACTUALLY MAKE THIS AND WHY

#YEAH BABY
me sexting
  • boy: what u wearin? ;)
  • me: Prada spring/summer 2013 fur coat with daisy appliqué and archive Margiela tabi boots

yungmethuselah:

yungmethuselah:

Tbh I’m afraid to go to Portland. I’ve heard bad things about it and everyone who lives there, including its local squirrels and mushrooms, no offense.

What if I get attacked by a gang of kombucha homebrewers? What if a young tattooed couple hits me with their $1400 baby stroller? What if someone hands me a hempen flyer for a Christian hot yoga meetup? It’s too dangerous.

kobetyrant:

me when I got money: ha! broke ass bitch how the dollar menu taste? I wouldn’t know because it’s Big Macs only around here hoe!!!!

me when I’m broke: capitalism is inhumane and must be put to an end.

—  quentin tarantino as quentin tarantino in a quentin tarantino movie